So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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