Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
