Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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