I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
