Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
