Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
