I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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