i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
