I want to have your abortion
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
