think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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