i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
