Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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