boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
