dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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