I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
