you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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