apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
