with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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