took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize