She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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