I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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