dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
