FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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