There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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