just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize