I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
