Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
