i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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