Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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