pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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