What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
