Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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