they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
