Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
