remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
