We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
