his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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