Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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