i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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