And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm going to jail i love you
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
