can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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