What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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