a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
