I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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