I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
