he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize