i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize