remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
