Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
