Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
