I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
