she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
