I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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