I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
