I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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