6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
