Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
