I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think your dad took our porno
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
