I look better un-naked...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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