Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The uberlube is also flammable
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
