Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize