So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
