I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
