I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
