Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
