were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
