I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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