I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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