Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
