So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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