I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
