I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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