why didn't you poke me back
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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