Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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