i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
