he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Barsexuality is the new black.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
