Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I believe in your delicious
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
